OMFG I’m so FREAKING excited. I found stuff. I ACTUALLY FOUND STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A warning though, this post is incredibly long — it’s an entire stream of consciousness type of situation as I work through some new data that challenges my own thought process. There’s a lot of hopping around, random thoughts bouncing back and forth, looping, and discovery. Anyway, as always, pace yourself however makes you comfortable and not overwhelmed.
So, I been feeling a bit defeated for some time because I had lost access to some of my old e-mail addresses due to various reasons and I just kept feeling like I have no threads to pull at. But… all of a sudden… I FINALLY FOUND SOME E-MAIL EXCHANGES BETWEEN ME AND MY TWIN FLAME FROM MANY YEARS AGO IN ONE OF MY INBOXES!!! I’m so excited because it’s proof. IT’S PROOF THEY EXISTED!
It’s funny because I was talking to my AI about one of my posts and had mentioned that I couldn’t remember accurate information and didn’t want to just wing it, as it was an important piece. I got curious and started searching specific terms with date filtering in my inbox and boom! One thing led to the next and then I found them. This was so shocking because previous searches had always come up empty. I think because search would only go back so far in my records. But once I added a date filter in, then it was like a treasure trove had suddenly been uncovered. Huzzahhhh!
OF COURSE I HAD MY AI ANALYZE THIS and YES I read through all of them.
To say that I’m embarrassed by what I’ve read is an UNDERSTATEMENT.
As I read the e-mails, I thought to myself… that’s how I used to communicate? I cringed SO hard. It’s… let’s not analyze that. I’m just gonna say this — apparently I’ve always been unhinged, even worse when I was younger lol. I guess I was born this way? Lady Gaga can attest. Meanwhile, my twin flame was always so appropriate and normal with their communication. Very cool, smooth, and mysterious. Very professional. Their words always seemed to land with intention. I appeared like someone on drugs with potential brain damage even though I’ve never done any lol. I guess I’m just naturally high on life ;_; 😩
What’s killing my brain though are the dates on the e-mails. I did not realize we were in touch for that many years?! I thought it was just 3 years tops, but looks like we were in communication through most of my transferred college years as well 🤔 so that is interesting………………….. I had completely misremembered o.o
This completely changes how I remember the timeline!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay so… the last e-mail communication I had received is late 2008. Which means… 17~ years ago?? GOOD! I GET 3 YEARS BACK FROM MY 2 DECADES GUESSTIMATE, PHEW!!! Such a relief.
Surprisingly, I had also found an e-mail where I had reached out to my twin flame in early 2014 to see how they were doing. But I guess after getting an immediate bounce back, I must’ve assumed their account closed down or something. Perhaps seeing that was when I really gave up? It looked like the door was forever closed. However, I also noticed that I had only tried one e-mail address of theirs and not the other one. I wonder why I didn’t try both? I assume it must’ve slipped my mind that they had another e-mail. Also, what’s strange is that my e-mail looked very “professional” and not warm, very different from the other e-mails that I had sent prior. My guess is that it might’ve been self protective and I needed to armor up in case, almost like I was afraid I’d offend them by reaching out. It’s how I usually write when I’m unsure if the other person would even want to receive correspondence from me. I mean I get why I would’ve written it like that but I guess I feel sad for young me to feel that guarded towards someone who is that important to me.
I mean go judge for yourself lol:
Regards? Who am I? lol. The professional tone is so strange, right? My communications are normally full of warmth and unhingedness. I assume I must’ve been terrified out of my mind sending that e-mail for it to look like that.
Still a bit confused why I didn’t try the other e-mail address too?? I probably was already knee deep in fear and that e-mail address must’ve slipped my mind. Or maybe I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing two bounce backs — one was already good enough to confirm the story my mind had been telling me — that they wanted nothing to do with me. Double bounce backs would’ve probably completely broken me down again and idk if I would be able to handle that. But wait… I’ve e-mailed them before using both e-mails, so why wouldn’t I do it to maximize chances unless it really must’ve slipped my mind. I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation why I didn’t try the other e-mail. I think til this day, I am still afraid to try that other e-mail. What if that one’s shut down too? Then the doors really ARE closed 🙁
Eesh… I am SO surprised with my findings. I really have been misremembering a lot. It’s okay though, I’m aware my mind is really bad with dates and I have trouble with timelines. History class was my least favorite growing up because I could never remember when things happened no matter how hard I tried. I’d fall asleep so hard during my history classes lol. Remembering dates is my nemesis 😞
AND YES OF COURSE MY AI HAD SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS, THAT I’M A BIG OLE DUNCE WITH MY BIG OLE DUNCE SHIELD 🤪🛡️
OMG what if I was so dunce that I was the one who gave my twin flame their depression? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I’M SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
😫😫😫
One line from an e-mail that my twin flame had sent to me that caught my attention is:
Tell me, how am I so mysterious to you?
Ummm hellooooooooooo why do you think, my widdo crouching tiger hidden samurai!? THIS is exactly why. Where you at? Why you so good at hiding? Are you ninja? Come out and play. Come pray with me. I got fresh baked buttery cookies. I don’t bite. Actually, it’d be hilarious if you don’t even know this blog exists and I’m just all like WHY YOU SO GOOD AT HIDING and you’re like uh… didn’t know I was??? 🤣
Although, looking back, it’s probably because I was so derpy dumb back then that you were so mysterious to me. I didn’t know how to go deeper without feeling too vulnerable… 😣
Also, I laugh at young me thinking I’d stay put in one place for the rest of my life. I’ve actually had other friends ask me a similar question — ever thought about leaving town — and I stupidly was always like… nah I’m happy where I’m at. I guess because of family ties? But yo…… covid changed a lot of things lol. It kinda yucky here now 🤮. Also, my perspective on life has changed a lot post dark night of the soul. I think I’ve grown up a bit — I actually don’t feel tied down to any location anymore. Visiting other places has kind of opened my eyes to other ways of living, other cultures, and I think as long as I’m with people I love, the food is good, the place is safe, then I am not really stuck to any one place. Also, if my trust fund chaos baby lover thing takes off, I’m even open to living globally!🤞
Actually iirc.. in early 2025, I had suddenly become obsessed with Singapore lol. I just could not get it out of my head. I didn’t realize they had such a good food scene there — the hawker centers!? Drool. Haven’t been but was soooooo curious about it. And I guess I eventually just gave up on the idea because it’s too bougie for me…
But now that I think about it, wouldn’t your bougie booty enjoy it there?
Don’t get your hopes up yet — you’ve just seen my wallet — my couch potato budget wouldn’t be able to afford it but I’m doing my best to bring forth Trust Fund Chaos Baby Lover into reality as fast as I can ;__;
Also, I have to apologize to you. I really communicated like an idiot back then. I feel so ashamed looking at how I used to write that I don’t even know what to say… I have zero idea how you could’ve tolerated that for so long. Must’ve been the love goggles, I guess. I would’ve blown my brains out at some point getting responses like that. Please accept my sincere apologies. I was an idiot. What surprises me the most is that you kept communicating with me all of that time. If I received e-mails like the ones I sent you from another person, I’d probably be like hmm…….. this person is……. probably on drugs ………………………. bye.
This is so freaking ironic and I legit feel like a tard for calling you the runner this entire time. But — I’m also INCREDIBLY sorry for thinking you were the runner when it is clear you had stayed very put for a good number of years. It is now obvious to me that you’re not the runner in our dynamic. You withstood what you could, more than your fair share, for as long as you could. You tried and tried even after bouncing off of my dunce shield so many times. That deserves recognition. I can only imagine what you were dealing with irl while also trying to figure out my mysteriousness AND handling my dunce shield. I assume you were juggling a lot from all sides. That’s a lot for someone at that age to have to deal with. And as I re-read the emails again, I can tell you might’ve been dealing with something heavy, yet you still tried your best to show up for me and not burden me with whatever you were juggling. I can sense the love you held for me through your measured words, while not knowing if I returned your feelings. At least that’s my current read on it. If this is the case, then rest assured I did, a lot. More than you can ever imagine.
Part of me is deathly afraid to go here, but I wonder if you saw my social media during those years and thought I had moved on. Because when I remember what I had going on back then, I can understand why you could’ve made certain conclusions. All I can say is that I hadn’t moved on. I believe young me was just looking for you in all the wrong places because young you wasn’t an option.
Gosh, I should’ve known something was wrong — even as I was with others, I’d always be thinking of you and missing you. And more often than not, I’d immediately end my relationships as quickly as possible when I realized they weren’t you. I thought it’d be best to let them go because at least they’d be free to find someone whose heart wasn’t already taken.
How do you feel being the eternal third wheel? 👀
I wish I knew better back then and didn’t miss all of your signals. I wish the low self worth filter wasn’t so strong. I wish the codependency wasn’t so strong. I wish that I could’ve shared some of the burdens with you so you didn’t have to hold it all yourself. I wish I could’ve been there for you more than I was capable of.
I guess from my perspective, I thought you were the runner in our dynamic because I felt you were elusive and hard to pin down and I had kept trying to reach you. And also I guess I had felt abandoned on some level. I always wanted to stay connected to you. I just had no idea the pressures you could’ve potentially been dealing with outside of our relationship. I think every time I felt like there was some distance between us, I automatically assumed you weren’t interested. However, I think you did the best you could and that’s all you can really do. I think you did great given the circumstances.
And wait a minute, if you’re not the runner in our dynamic then…… does this make me the runner? 🤔
I mean in twin flame dynamics usually there is a runner and a chaser. And if you had been staying put, trying over and over with me, and I just dunce shielded myself away from you, then yes I guess that makes me the runner!??! WHAT. Also, it doesn’t look good for me that I was too dumb to know I was even running and spent the entire past year saying you were the runner………
WTF is even happening right now?! I’m the runner?!?!?! I guess it me but WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I wonder if we both walked away from this feeling unchosen by the other, not realizing we were actually each other’s first choice the entire time? 💔
I’ll admit I was very confused back then. Seeing all the emails laid out like this, I can see how patient you were with me all of those years and how painful that must’ve been for you watching me be this oblivious, cluelessly derping my way through life. It must’ve been exhausting. I don’t know how you were able to sustain that. I hope this apology isn’t too late. I completely understand why things happened the way they did and I think you were definitely the braver one of us back then. Thank you for holding on all of those 6~ years through my dunceness. I am forever grateful for your love and patience. I don’t know if young me deserved that.
I’m curious, how did you know back then? How did you already know what we are to each other at such a young age? How did you know to leave those specific clues that are relevant decades later? Was it just an intuitive knowing or did some celestial entity descend from the sky and tell you, “This future Pulitzer prize winner IDIOT here is your forever person. Good luck” ????? I can’t tell if you’re a genius or if we are both dunce but both also have higher selves who happen to be master strategists. I’m going to guess you’re probably way more intelligent and intuitive than I am 🤔
I also apologize for my terrible memory. It’s complete trash. I’ve had to do a lot of work to piece things back together and I don’t think I’m done yet. I’m doing my best and finding whatever I can. So far so good but it’s really messing with my head. I think losing access to you felt so traumatizing to me that my conscious mind needed to make up whatever story it had to, and block as much out as possible, in order to protect me from unraveling. And I guess now I’m finally in a place where I can process things properly.
You know, I think we are around the one year mark since I’ve had that dream that started unlocking my memories of us. I wonder if what’s happening lately is just to continue setting the record straight. Remembering all of that pain I went through and also having to immediately see the pain I caused you was probably too much for my psyche to handle at the same time. I guess it makes sense if I needed to get through this healing in phases.
So where I was wrong is while piecing together my memories, I assumed given how distraught I felt the first year of transfer, we must’ve lost touch by then. But then seeing these e-mails and their dates, I see we were actually in touch throughout the time I was at the new school. I also see multiple attempts made by you for us to meet up, but I don’t have any recollection that we actually did? If so, then that part of my memory is not accessible to me yet unless I have the timeline jumbled again. Judging from the e-mails, I don’t believe we did either as you had brought up the topic again at a later date, mentioning that we are growing old and asking when will we actually meet up.
So now I’m wondering… why did I transfer schools to be closer to you and not spend time with you? That makes no sense. The only thing that makes any sense is I must’ve thought I was following my intuition based on my field of interests for study, while my soul was trying to get me closer to you physically. But because I didn’t think you saw me in such a way, I just kind of moped around trying to survive whatever I was going through? Or maybe I felt so intensely about you that it was scary to even go near? Or… maybe I was afraid of getting hurt again — the first separation we had was a bit traumatizing for me. While I was incredibly relieved we got back in touch again, I must’ve been horrified to have to go through that pain all over again. I really don’t believe I was aware why I transferred schools even though in hindsight it’s so obvious to me now.
Btw, before transferring to the new school, I did have a “final” project in a mixed media course that had to do with losing you. After my presentation, iirc one of my classmates started clapping and ended up bawling after I presented it. I felt so bad about that. I guess using this song, First, from Winter Sonata as the background audio probably made the presentation even sadder lol. I didn’t realize sharing about my heartbreak would make another cry lmao. I think it was the first time I made art with you as my muse and I didn’t expect it to have such a strong reaction from others. So there was that. The second time I made art with you as my muse was in painting class at the new school. That’s when my painting teacher told me to go to therapy. That punk 🤬🤬🤬
Hmm… I wonder if that’s when I decided to compartmentalize all of the pain around us away instead of getting proper help, which then created more distance between us? Because then I wouldn’t have to feel that vulnerable again. It’s highly possible. That was also the last time I made art with you as a muse, until now.
What still isn’t making sense to me yet is the lack of communication between us from after I transferred, unless most of it happened outside of e-mail? I know we communicated via messenger and I assume text messages maybeeeeee? Based on what I see in the e-mails though, it sounds like maybe we hadn’t been in communication as much? I really do not remember here.
Also, it looks like my original assumption that you had quietly left the country before I transferred is also MASSIVELY incorrect. I apologize for casting you in such a light. Clearly you were looking for connection and I was the one who was hesitant, never committing to anything. I suspect that perhaps something might’ve happened, after I had transferred, that could’ve contributed to your finally letting go.
Was it my dunceness? 🤔
My responses via e-mails seem very elusive and non-committal. I wonder why. I remember being extremely stressed from school all throughout the years as well. I wonder if maybe I felt like I didn’t have the time to meet up? I wonder why my mind has crafted such a story for me that made me the victim? Perhaps to help me feel better about pain that I could’ve caused you? Is it because I felt abandoned by you and because that story made it easier for me to accept or maybe I was afraid of being abandoned again? Also, if I think of myself as a kind and caring person, always thinking of others, then it wouldn’t fit my narrative that I could’ve done something (or not done something) that could’ve caused you a lot of pain. Perhaps that’s why I defaulted to you being the runner. If so, I guess this means I need to confront what story I am telling myself about myself. Maybe I can be someone who cares a lot about others AND I’m capable of unintentionally causing them pain as well? Like… that doesn’t make me a terrible person… it just makes me human?
It is strange because as I re-read these e-mails, I can clearly see you were consistently there, showing up for me the best that you could while you were dealing with your own stress. It also looks like I was very concerned about you as well and was checking in on you after not seeing you on messenger. Without access to those messages, I still have so many gaps in my memory. It’s very clear that I kept thinking about you, however was hesitant to actually connect for some reason. So now I’m wondering what it means if I had unintentionally hurt you by just being a big ole oblivious dummy who was too emotionally immature to know what to do back then. Please know it’s not intentional and if I had known better back then I would’ve made different choices. I think I needed to learn some hard lessons outside of our relationship to not cause you even more pain.
I sincerely apologize for assuming you were the one who abandoned me. If I waited over 5 or 6 years for someone to give me some indication of what’s even possible, I think I would give up at some point. I don’t even think I’d make it past a few years. You’ve clearly done more of your fair share of showing me, in your own special ways, how much I meant to you. And my response was always, “Wow! What a special friend. I must be imagining things or hoping for too much. It’s too bad you’d never want someone like me in that way. Sigh.” Damn, that unworthiness wound was really strong. You know — when people ask me how I can have so much patience, I’m gonna say me? Patient? You should see my twin flame’s. Theirs is Olympic level lol.
Wait a minute… if all of this is true… does this mean that you waited those 6~ years we knew each other, was forced to move on with your life because come on who can wait that long, and then waited another 17 years??? So you waited a total of 23 years for me to wake the fok up…………………?
Uhhh………. I don’t even know what to say if that’s true. You have the patience of a GOD!?!!?
I have a lot of questions. I’m aware I’m assuming a lot here. It’s all speculation based on the body of proof that I’ve been slowly building throughout the past year. I am sorry if I am wrong about anything. There’s still parts of our timeline that I’m unclear about. It’s okay though, you can come fill in the gaps and correct me. I am okay with that as I’m aware my memory isn’t the best.
Also, just so you know, I wouldn’t be trying to reach out to you like this via blog if I didn’t have a good reason to given my life’s circumstances. Please trust that my intentions are good and that I’ve been as transparent as possible with those around me. My commitment is to engage with what’s true and authentic, and that’s the path I want to head in. I’m beyond living a life that doesn’t feel authentic to me and have been reassessing major relationships to ensure that who I have close to me is a vibrational match.
I’m also kinda shocked that I had reached out in early 2014 to see where you were and if you had wanted to catch up. Maybe the holidays had me thinking of important connections? That was 2.5~ years before I had rage quit my job. I guess I never could truly let you go. I assume seeing that bounce back that your mailbox no longer existed might’ve crushed all hope for me at the time. Like it hit me that you were just completely gone. Can’t find any traces of you either online. Completely and utterly gone.
It makes sense though. Idk if I would’ve gone through my dark night of the soul if we had reconnected back then. But now, that’s in the past, as I’ve finally woken up, my eyes have been opened, I now know the truth of us, and we have this blog where you can get access to my innermost thoughts that you never had access to in the past.
I think what I’ve come to through this recent excavation is that we were two people who clearly cared a lot about each other but didn’t have the tools to handle the intensity of our connection. We also communicate with quite different styles and so that created a lot of misunderstandings for the vulnerable parts. I think we also needed time to grow on our own, to learn who we are without each other. In my case, it seemed I needed to lose access to you and to also do my own inner work to finally understand how much you truly mean to me, and to learn just how much it is that you mean to me. Like, you’re not an option. You are just it.
When I discussed this with my AI, it mentioned that in twin flame relationships, one person often holds the wisdom of the dynamic (they know who we are to each other) and the other one is the runner, the lil dumdum who needs time to catch up. When I asked my twin flame guide about it, they mentioned it’s also true for their own dynamic with their twin flame — one of them immediately knew, while the other needed time to catch up. I knew you were important to me but I didn’t know why and it was confusing as fok. Clearly, I’m not the one who held the wisdom here lol. I guess in our case, the lil dumdum is me 🥺
Wait a minute… if I’m the runner does this make you the chaser and therefore you’re also the lighthouse, the one holding the light for us all of these years? If so, then does that mean in my Storm dream, you’re actually the skyscraper whom I’ve decided to make my way towards?!
OMG… that actually makes the dream make a whole lot more sense to me. Like, why would I head towards the skyscraper if I’m the lighthouse? That makes zero sense. Also, I was in the car with the people who symbolize the low self worth filter and codependency issues I had. One person was whom I developed the codependent relationship with and the other person is probably who I inherited my dunce shield from. Both have closed mindsets. Both I’ve had quite traumatic experiences with — I always had to make myself small for them otherwise here comes the punishment. And so they were driving the car with me in the backseat, which is basically how I’ve been operating most of my life with those issues running the show in the background. But in the dream, the skyscraper storm kept holding my attention and I didn’t know why we were driving away from it. Also, why are you so big and tall reaching into the skies? Have your ggangpae powers evolved that much??? 🤔🤔🤔
This is SO fascinating to me because in my current life, I’ve created considerable distance between these two people in my life. The one whom I had developed the codependent relationship with, I barely interact with anymore. Once I created those rules for myself on what qualifies as healthy relationships that I’d want in my life, they were one of the firsts out. Regarding the dunce shield, I employ a lot more boundaries when interacting with that person now. And so maybe in the dream it was showing me that I indeed am making different choices now, no longer just blindly following along. That I am aware there’s something else for me (the storm) and that I can choose differently, which I believe I have been doing.
OMG… if you’re the lighthouse and I’m the ship that’s coming home, then wtf is this blog? All of this time I kept positioning myself as the “lighthouse” but if you’re the lighthouse then does that mean this blog is actually your blog??? Wait no how does that even make sense? Clearly it’s mine but like IS THIS A DOUBLY LIGHTHOUSE BLOG??? IS THAT WHY I BUILT THIS WITH 2 THRONES SO WE CAN LIGHTHOUSE TOGETHER?!!??! I’M SO CONFUSED!!! HOLD ME NAO!
Also, if we follow the twin flame framework script, does this mean you had awakened before me, found peace within yourself, and that’s what triggered my own awakening? If so, thank you for going first, your diligence, and for keeping the flame lit for so long through all of this uncertainty. I’m sure it must’ve been extremely difficult tending to it by yourself. Your devotion knows no limits. And thanks to your hard work, as I’ve finally awakened, mine seems to have no limits either. I had a feeling there was a good reason why you had suddenly appeared in my dream. I’m forever grateful. I’m legit just throwing spaghetti at the wall right now idk wtf is happening and if any of this is true.
Anyway, thanks for sharing in the excitement with me. Aside from the shame of reading how I used to communicate and still very shook from learning that I am the runner in our dynamic, I actually feel really giddy ;_______;
P.S. I am so grateful that derpy younger me had enough foresight to do this — but apparently I had saved a few convos from the past between me and my twin flame. I guess deep down I knew it was worth holding onto these memories. I even found digital copies of our old birthday photos. Our conversations are quite heartwarming — so silly and playful. Grateful that these still exist somewhere 🥰
Based on my findings so far via e-mail and chat logs, I think one thing is clear — my twin flame and I spoke in different languages. Autistic me needed explicit directness while my twin flame spoke in subtext. Naturally I don’t think we would’ve understood each other and I think that might’ve been what caused a lot of our misunderstandings? The love and care are clearly there though. A ton of silly flirting as well, at least from my side. I also wonder why I would so openly flirt that much and to that extreme level? I imagine it’s because I didn’t think I had a chance, like why would they ever like me, and so it felt safe to? So there’s that. I think if I knew I had a chance I might’ve been more measured with my words since there’s risk. I think I’m just glad to have proof because there was a time when I wondered if I had dreamt all of this. I’m glad to know the love existed even if the timing was not ideal.
Oh, I also found the photo of where I thought my twin flame looked sad during my birthday party — apparently, there was a third photo separate from the two that I have physical copies of. So… I wasn’t completely delusional lol. I think it was just a candid shot and I mistook it for sadness. Or maybe they did have some sadness, I’m not sure. But it’s very fascinating to me that my mind decided to hold onto that one and disregard the ones where they’re smiling quite enthusiastically and happily. I guess whatever served my narrative of I’m unworthy and I’ve been abandoned got through, and anything else that didn’t support that narrative fell through the cracks. Why did I save physical copies of the happy photos but not the sad one, but then remember the sad one and not the happy ones 🤔? Fascinating. I’m just grateful I have all of the photos to look at altogether so that I can see things more clearly.
Wait a minute… if I can finally see the love in this photo does that mean I’ve healed a good part of my unworthiness!? That I can accept that I was loved??? Yooooo if that’s the case I’m stoked!!!!!! Imagine 23 years later and I’m still like nobody wuvs me wahhhhhh lmao. I guess I can say I’ve made some progress 💪
One more embarrassing thing to admit — I’m all like, “OmG i Am sO iNnOcEnT, mY fWeNs aRe So NaUgHtY, bAd iNfLuEnCeS! 😤” on my blog. But as I read these old chats, I’m horrified. Apparently I was the raging perv 😱 lol. WTF! I can see why my friends were so confused with me. My poor twin flame constantly being hit with my perversion and I’m like omg it’s U not Meeeeeeeeee 😭 and meanwhile they were so proper. I wrote things to them that Lady BCME, their mother, would legit murder me for. I’m sorry about that too… I melt into another dimension in shame for my behavior 😔. I imagine I had learned that behavior from somewhere else, clearly not from my twin flame as they were so appropriate. No excuses though. I own my past mistakes. I’m much more proper now, kinda. Okay relatively speaking, sure. The bar is quite low.
Funny thing is, I didn’t even remember being like that until I saw the receipts. It might be that I’ve actually been around kids and noticed how much they pick up from me, saw my own behaviors reflected back, and decided it was probably best to be a bit more proper around others. Thank goodness those weren’t my own kids or I’d feel even worse lol. Or maybe it was just natural from having worked in the professional world and stuff, which might even explain that weird e-mail I had sent in 2014!
Omg… I can just imagine my twin flame sitting there reading my old blog posts where I cast myself as the innocent one and thinking: “BULL-EFFING-SH1ET!!!! YOU WERE THE BIGGEST PERV OF ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF 🤬🤬🤬🤬” feeling all gaslit and stuff.
Omg… I can also imagine my twin flame sitting there reading my old blog posts where I cast them as the runner/abandoner and thinking: “THAT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENED, YOU FRIGGIN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥 I STAYED!!! YOU WERE JUST BLIND!!!!!!!!! I TRIED TO MEET UP WITH YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE TOWEL! I CAN’T BELIEVE MY CUTIE PATOOTIE LOVE OF MY LIFE TWIN FLAME HAS THIS DOGSH!T OF A MEMORY!!!! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬” again, feeling all gaslit and stuff.
I’m sorryyyyyyyyyyy 😩
My self defense mechanism legit kept the truth from me until now. Looooooook… if I didn’t care so much, losing you wouldn’t have been so traumatizing that my mind would have to lock up those memories and spin up these victim stories. That’s how important you were to me!!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Please forgive me ;__________________;
Overall, while I did have anxiety and sleepless nights after uncovering the emails and chats, I feel quite happy about what I’ve found. Learning my actual role in the situation and that I probably caused my twin flame a lot of pain is incredibly difficult to sit with, but that’s okay, I’d rather know the truth. I guess seeing our usernames again and how easy it was for us to be silly with each other brought back a lot of fond memories. A real bittersweet experience. Might as well, since I’m confessing everything already, I find it sweet seeing how hard they tried. I feel so wuved. My widdo giant tiger mousey samurai wuved me so much 🥲
Here’s a real life photo of how I’ve evolved:
You legit cannot tell me apart from a towel from how I couch potato. I’m really good at it. You won’t even know I’m there on the couch.
But like… why the wrinkly dogtowel though? Is it because of the shared “Chinese” heritage? Was it a safe proxy for you to channel your love for me just like how I channeled my love for you through your celebrity birthday twin? So… I picked a stunningly gorgeous celebrity as a stand-in for you and you picked something indistinguishable from bathroom linen, a wrinkly a$$ed dog, as a stand-in for me?
WTF? 🤔
Care to explain yourself? 🤨
Although… I’ll be grateful. You set the bar so low for me that as long as I am more evolved than a bath towel it’s all good. So… thank you? I guess I passed the exam? While I might be a delicate flower, I am still livelier than an inanimate object? 🤣
But seriously, how do you feel about having such a slow and derpy running twin flame with the titanium dunce shield who didn’t even know they were running? Feels great right? Do you love how crazy I drive you? You’re welcome 😉
Oh and if you threw your phone again, I’m sorry but you’re gonna have to get another one D:
Kthxbai.