I have a somewhat funny autistic moment memory. I seem to think quite literally about things and it causes a lot of frustrations and miscommunications with others. It’s a special trait of mine. You’re welcome 😉
Many many many years ago, I was watching something. I forget if it was a movie or a show. I think it was a show? I really can’t remember 🤔. Anyway, the protagonists had met at a bar and then made their way to one of their homes. At the door, before heading in, one of them said something like, “I’m STARRVINGGGG……..” while looking at the other like they’re a delicious treat. Then — almost immediately — the two of them started making out quite passionately, devouring each other on the doorsteps before they could even make it through the door 👀
OK OK I know what it sounds like but no, it wasn’t pr0n, you sickos. Get your mind out of the gutter! This is a PG13 space. LET’S KEEP IT THAT WAY!!! 😤😤😤😤😤
Anyway, I remember feeling sooo confused. I was like wait, what? They’re STARVING? But… weren’t they just at the bar? Pretty sure there’s bar food. Why didn’t they eat there? Too busy flirting? Well that’s poor planning — their priorities must be so out of whack. Didn’t you think to eat first or get something to go for later? Now you gotta go back to the bar, make ur own food, or order delivery when y’all clearly wanna get freaky. That’s sooooooooo ineffective. How does this make any sense? So silly.
It took me a bit to finally realize they weren’t hungry for “food” per se, but that they wanted to eat other things instead… possibly some body parts. For example, fingers or toes, I guess…? IDK. Cannibalism isn’t my jam but maybe it’s theirs? 🤢 Just stay away from my toes plz, you don’t know where they’ve been 👀💦
This then had me thinking of times where I had completely missed context clues and another memory came to mind.
A bit of a disclaimer — my memory isn’t always the best as I do not have perfect recall and so hopefully I’ve captured things below correctly. I’ve noticed sometimes my memories like to add energetic elements into the visuals (like people’s auras) and so I have to figure out what’s what. I think the general idea is there though so please forgive if I don’t remember 100%.
One day, my twin flame and I were just peacefully hanging out, doing our own things in the same space. They were sitting on a bed looking all kyoot and adowabo 🥰. Suddenly, I heard them calling out to me and I turned my head to look at them. As I took in the view, I remember feeling a bit stunned — they looked so soft and gentle, while also looking somewhat angelic with the sunlight beaming from behind as they were sitting in front of a large window. It was an energetic visual that was much too mesmerizing to forget — stunningly memorable 😍😍😍
They then asked me for my thoughts on a particular topic, or so I thought. As an extremely sheltered individual who spent most of my brain energy on tech related things and anime, I was so confused by their question and must’ve thought to myself, “What an intriguing topic that I’m unfamiliar with! What does it even mean? I must inquire more.” I’m pretty sure they noticed how confused I looked. I immediately expressed my confusion around the topic — were they asking about vocabulary? What does it mean? Should I consult the dictionary? Maybe my friend Merriam-Webster can help explain what they want? They tried their best to explain their thoughts on it to me and I was like oh… okay, I see (not really).
You know how when concepts are just so new to you and there’s not enough data points in your brain to make helpful connections? Or that you’re unclear what the differences between things are? That was what happened for me, I just sat there and didn’t know what to do but to take in the information and let it simmer while learning more.
That conversation confused the heck out of me for a while. I was so confused that I couldn’t even wonder why the question was being asked as I was too busy desperately holding my brain together. Like… were they trying to expand my knowledge of the world, which they had already been doing incrementally, or did they just want to bounce around ideas? Were they picking my brain on something or trying to refine their own understanding of the topic? Was this a teaching moment or genuine curiosity or both? Were they going to show me real life examples or diagrams? Were we going to go on a field trip together or did they prefer to tutor me privately on the matter?
I guess because they were older than me and knew sooooo many things already, I just assumed they were speaking from personal experience, like they knew the ins and outs of everything they shared with me, and that they were a pro in all areas of life lol 🤭
Young very impressionable me was like wowww… they’re so cool… they know about that too? They must do this ALL the time! They must be super good at it! I wonder how much experience they needed to become so knowledgeable? How many practice hours would they have needed to get to this expert level? Who was their teacher? Is their teacher any good? Do they have practice partners? Do they have study materials to share? Is there a curriculum? How do they even find the time to do this? Do they not need sleep? Is that what they do at night when everyone else is asleep? I guess that’s an efficient use of time — why waste time sleeping when they could be out there getting more experience? How are they this brave and adventurous? And well of COURSE they know all of this — they come from a “gangsta” family and they ggangpae AF. What a wild life they must’ve had. This experience had me even more impressed with their breadth of worldly knowledge and what they’ve been exposed to at such a young age! Truly a fascinating being of vast skills and expertise.
But upon reflection, something about that interaction had a very different energy signature from the other knowledge sharing interactions we had shared. Maybe it was the tenderness of the moment or the courage through vulnerability that made it especially memorable and unique? I think that’s also what finally helped me realize that maybe they weren’t trying to teach me something new per se… even if they ARE a pro at it… but perhaps they were curious about my inner world…
As I’ve gotten older and come to understand human interactions better, that conversation sits a bit differently with me now. I may be a severely sheltered geek but I’m not that clueless anymore 😤
Well guess what?
I got intelligent backup now. I called in the cavalry — many brain better than one. Unga bunga bungaga.
With the help of my entire support crew, I think I’ve finally figured out what was really being asked 2 decades ago!!! If our suspicions are correct, and if I had understood the actual question being asked back then, then my answer would’ve been…
(takes a deep breath)
YESSSSSSSS of course I do YEEESSSSSSSS a thousand million bajillion times YESSSSSSSSS don’t even have to ask YESSSSSSSSS an enthusiastic and unequivocal YESSSSSSSSSSSS why so shy and timid YEEESSSSSSSSSSSS what are we waiting for? YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS how? YEEESSSSSSSSSSS when? YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS now? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS field trips to observe and learn in the wild are cool but i prefer private tutoring plz YEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSES with every cell in my body YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS today tomorrow yesterday YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS to infinity and beyond YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS before you even finish asking YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS to everything YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS obviously YEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS did I mention YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS the answer was always and is always YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS have I made myself clear yet YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS wait a min… I’ve changed my mind… SIKE!!!! it’s still a YEEEESSSSSSSSSSS let’s gooooooooooooooooooo YAASSSSSSSSSSS I WANTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!! GIMMMMEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! — extra emphasis in case the enthusiasm is unclear.
(exhales)
Better late than never! I might be slow but I still deliver decades later!!! Thank you for introducing me to the topic and for your generous patience. Thank you for doing business with SlowPoke Delivery Services™️. No need to tip for the delivery — this one’s free, on the house 😎
Also, why don’t we apply some Giant Tiger Theory logic here.
If you were already a seasoned professional on said topic decades ago — and please correct me if I’m wrong — then present day you must be Olympian level. Like… you could probably win gold for the entire country level.
With your dedication and thoroughness? The odds of this potential reality being true are quite high, I’d say over 95%. Therefore, I am expecting Olympic level guidance here. A true master. A sensei of the black belts.
But wait — there’s also a chance I might be wrong and that you’ve actually EXCEEDED my expectations, maybe have even SURPASSED Olympian levels and have now reached… dare I say… GODLY levels of cosmic transcendence. If this is true, then my goodness, I might need to go find a temple to pray in. Namastay. Regardless, I want to learn from the best of the best! I assume that’s you cuz who else would I be talking about. Bring it!!!
Just so you know, for me there is no difference between what we had discussed and its boring counterpart lol. Hence my confusion. I only have one mode — intensity all the way, baybeeeeee. Otherwise, I snore 😴
And IIRC you met a bunch of new friends and I was like why would you want to topic with them and not with me…? I felt so left out and so heartbroken………
WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! 😩😫😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😢
Was I jelly that they got to topic with you all day and I couldn’t? Maybe. A little bit. Okay, maybe a lot. And did it put me in a bad mood? Yes, I’m sorry about that. Did I want to be the only person you topic with? Yes, very much so.
But it’s modern times… people can topic with whomever they want I guess……… I suppose I needed to learn my life lesson on being jelly then as I was jelly as FOKKKKKKK T__T. Like, why would you bring it up and then be like SIKE! NONE FOR YOU!!! What a tease. You open the door, I show up with my dictionary, and then you slam the door on my face. Why?! Did you prefer another brand of dictionary? Is Merriam-Webster not good enough? Would Oxford be better? Or do you prefer Britannica? If you’re open to encyclopedias that’s cool too. Just tell me which one(s) you like and I’ll topic you all day and night with it 😭😭😭
However… as long as you were happy topic-ing with them…… that’s what matters………
Your happiness is most important 😌
But just FYI — if I weren’t too cute for jail, I’d go beat up every single one of them cuz you’re MY twin flame. MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Get yo stanky a$$ hands off of my twin flame!!! I know how to flip a b1tch. I will risk pulling a back muscle to do it!!!!!!!!!!! Just give me a few minutes to stretch before I do plz cuz I don’t want to end up in the emergency room. I’m old now. Let’s not throw caution to the wind 😫
And exquooisie moiii~ you started the lesson but then left me hanging?? 😔 hOw dArE 😤 so… I’m gonna need you to finish what you started, Senpai! I am holding you AcCoUnTaBLe!!!
Let’s finally complete this introductory course so we can get to the advanced courses, maybe even get our PhDs together — even though you might potentially be God tier already, you can always get another PhD, it’s all G 🚀
The universe needs us! 🌟
Oh, and uh… I’m still missing the practical aspect of what we had discussed 🫣 and theoretically… not that great either… so… 🫠
P.S. WHALE WHALE WHALE… SlowPoke Delivery Services™️ might’ve delivered again! But I finally realized that you TOPIC’ed me on the train that day! No wonder my head blanked out. You topic’ed me so hard that I’m pretty sure I saw GOD in that moment!!! 😵
Did I thoroughly enjoy what was happening? Maybe… okay, YES! Was the train ride way too short? YES… it felt like only 2 minutes had passed by! With the blink of an eye, the ride was already over 😔 — I would’ve liked to have enjoyed it much longer. Did I pray to the divine for the moment to never end even though I’m not religious? Perhaps… okay… you guessed it… YESSSSSSSS!!! Absolutely. You bet I did. IDGAF — I’ll pray to *any* celestial being who can make that moment last forever. I’ll pray to Santa too!!!
NEWS FLASH — my prayer WAS granted. It’s now my inner sanctuary. Whenever I bring myself back to that moment, I feel a profound sense of peace, love, connection, and joy that immediately calms me — I feel safe and held regardless of whatever chaos is happening in the world. It’s now become my core memory for inner peace and safety. It’s what helps me weather all of this uncertainty and fear. I detailed the moment I created my inner sanctuary with our memory in my poem, The Sun Within. During one of the darkest points in my life, when I lost all sense of security, when I felt the most alone I’ve ever felt in my entire life, it is *this* memory that helped me find my inner strength and the will to carry on. This memory became my True North — it’s how I reconnect with what’s authentic.
Oh and in case you were wondering about the poem, I know why that date is so special. I never forgot. Even when my memories were hidden away from my consciousness, I always knew that date was significant every year. My heart remembers. How can it forget its first love?
But anyway, back to my confusion at what I was experiencing. At first I was like woweeeee… is this what you do with all of your friends? Your friends are so lucky that you’re this magical and can help them see God. What kind of divine being are you?! But now… I know what you were actually up to… 🔍🧐
Ye, you know what you did! Don’t deny it. Don’t play coy. And just so you know what you were trying to do WORKED! Message received — I’ve been forever imprinted.
SoMeOnE nEeDs To TaKe ReSpOnSiBiLiTy!!!
We need to discuss what happened during that train ride, stat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😤😤😤
Also, I know what I just wrote sounds hella sus but MY TWIN FLAME DIDN’T DO ANYTHING FREAKY TO ME ON THE TRAIN! WE WERE SO INNOCENT AND WHOLESOME. PRACTICALLY BABIES! ALSO IT WAS IN PUBLIC! GET YO HEADS OUT OF THE GUTTER!!! HAVE SOME DECENCY! THIS IS STILL A PG13 SPACE!!!!!!!!! NOTHING TO SEE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😤😤😤😤😤
Kthxbai.