Do you remember my much earlier post about how my friends liked to push my limits and boundaries around “raunchy” topics? Well… they’re at it again lol. One of my friends taught me a new phrase recently and I was soooo confused. They taught me the phrase: cl@m j@m.
Okay, for those of you who already know, SHUSH! But for those who don’t, confusing right? Like whatever could it mean? Is it a zesty seafood dish? Is it an aquatic related traffic incident? Is it spicy? Who knows?
At first I was like hmmmmm… that sounds kinda pervy… like cl@m clearly refers to a specific part on a lady, but j@m??? Da fok. What’s j@mming da cl@m? Is it related to toys? Do we need an excavator? Did someone pick the wrong size — go big or go home — and now it’s stuck? Well clearly that’s the incorrect way to choose the size given the j@mming situation. Just pick the correct size then you won’t have that problem, duh. (Disclaimer: Please don’t take this as actual advice lol. Clearly, I don’t know much about this stuff. I’m just thinking out loud autistically while trying to figure out what has j@mmed da cl@m as it is a very perplexing situation. Like, logically speaking, if it don’t fit it don’t fit. Duh.)
This type of terminology confuses da fok out of me because like… okay so who would’ve thought cr3@m p1e meant something other than the actual baked good? Like wtf? My autistic mind only sees the object that’s being described and that’s it. Btw you can thank my “other” friends for teaching me that phrase lol. TrAuMaTiZeD by some sickos. But also maybe cl@m j@m is just a food related thing? Maybe it’s clams puréed into a marinade that has turned into j@m? I mean that sounds NASTY as fok and I wouldn’t eat it but I’m sure there’s someone out there in the world who would… 🤢
So… which is it? Food or not? Pervy or not? Truly, I cannot tell. Based on my past experiences, I just assumed it to be pervy because every time I assumed things weren’t — surprise surprise(!) — they totally were lol.
Normally, I’d google things. But this time… I got smart. There’s only so many times I’d want to give myself a heart attack googling things I don’t know that I picked up from the collective dysfunction. So, I straight up asked my friend to plz explain. I told them I did NOT want to google it, in case washing my eyes wont undo the potential harm that’s done, and I really didn’t want that in my algorithm either. They laughed and quickly explained to me it’s the female equivalent of being c0ck bl0cked, which I was super relieved about. I was like whew, okay that actually makes sense and I’m just glad it’s not Paris but not Paris level exposure. That was a bit too unga bunga-ing for me lol.
I’m also relieved this friend is somewhat wholesome and just teaching me vocabulary instead of sending me shocking content. They’re genuinely curious about how my brain works rather than trying to traumatize me with memes lol. It’s nice to know my comfort zones are safe with them lmao.
Sigh… I feel too old for this world and its constant flow of new slang and raunchy stuff. Whatever happened to just good ole fashioned hand holding, making out, and praying in bed together 😭😭😭. Maybe I’m too old fashioned. Maybe this is what happens when I have disconnected from humanity for so long. Any more “slang” I need to know about…? I’m scurred 😩
I need my giant tiger to protect my innocent mousey mind 👀🍖