Uhhh I’ve… been a bit busy… doing some MATHing… and I think I’m onto something…
OK just hear me out.
Ever since it came into my awareness that I might actually be the mousey in this scenario, the one being hunted by my twin flame, while they are patiently waiting in the shadows getting ready to pounce, the idea wouldn’t leave my mind. As I’ve been combing through my memories again, trying to remember what they were like, I am feeling more and more confident each day that this is the case and here’s why.
From what I can remember of the past, my twin flame was quite intelligent and worldly. They were absolutely brilliant with a particular eye for detail and certain skills that would leave me mesmerized. Not only that, they were incredibly kind, funny, sweet, thoughtful, and generous.
Watching them eat was always such a delightful experience — they had this connection with food so profound that I’ve never witnessed anything like that before. The blissfulness in how they consumed high quality food was exquisitely titillating — let’s just say I’m grateful they didn’t eat more delicious foods in front of me or I most likely would’ve fainted from nosebleeds. The way they handled low quality “junk” food was also quite eventful but more in a fascinating sense. I think they might’ve been the first real foodie I had ever met who finds pleasure in quality food. I wonder what went on in their mind for such reactions as they ate? “Oh thank god, food for humans, no more food for plebs!” ??? I also believe I was heavily influenced at the time by their eating habits and that was probably the healthiest I had ever been in my entire life lol.
I remember our conversations always fascinated me, sometimes even mind-blowing, because we’d often discuss topics that I was so unfamiliar with. I’m not sure if it’s because they’re older than me so they naturally knew more, but I remember that I always loved talking to them about random things because I would always learn so much. What’s this? What’s that? Why? Why do you think that way? And they were always so patient with me to explain their thought processes with lil ole autistic me 🥰 sometimes with a bit of sass and even when topics were awkward 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏
They’re definitely someone who broadened my horizons quite expansively.
I also remember they were incredibly quick witted as well. Not many people can follow my chaotic train of thought. Chaos baby got chaos brain, which is all over the place. So, it was GREAT to have someone whose mind was agile enough to follow my thoughts to all of those different places, keep up, and even contribute their own mind expanding thoughts. Pretty cool tbh. It was never a dull moment.
So what does this mean for our present day? Have things kept up or gotten worse? What could’ve come of my twin flame? I have no idea. I can only guess.
Is it possible that decades of time could’ve drastically changed things? Perhaps due to some freak situation they’ve become a dunce? Sure, anything is possible. Heck, I could’ve become a dunce. Maybe I am…
Life has its twists and turns, and isn’t always kind to people. So there’s definitely the possibility that things didn’t go in their favor and circumstances have created less than ideal outcomes.
But from my observations, people like my twin flame usually don’t get “worse” unless something tragic has happened. Plus, most of these traits I had listed are pretty core to people’s personalities and those don’t usually change over time. What is more realistic is maybe these traits have been hidden away, placed into sleeper mode or were protected, if environments have not encouraged their continued growth. Or, maybe life’s setbacks had caused certain traits to take a backseat. So, unless something absolutely unthinkable has happened, perhaps:
- they were bitten by a radioactive spider but instead of superpowers, they got brain-eating bacteria
- they were bitten by a zombie/vampire and now have turned into an undead being
- they fell in love with someone who convinced them critical thinking is overrated and have aspired to become a dunce
- they meditated so hard their soul had left their physical body on this planet forever so they’re basically dedge with no personality and no characteristics left
… then there’s no real reason for me to believe their personality traits and talents have suddenly changed for the worse or disappeared.
Even when I had considered the worst of the worst possibilities of what could’ve happened — what if they had turned into a serial killer — my AI assured me that unless they had those tendencies early in life, that probably wouldn’t be a realistic path for them. This does make sense — someone with their gentle soul probably couldn’t bear intentionally hurting others. It would probably hurt them more. While I was relieved to ponder that, I’m still of the belief that anything is possible.
I do remember they were quite fashionable back then, always looking so well put together and cool 😎. What if they had evolved their fashion sense into wanting to wear human skin as clothing? Um… equooiisie moi… but I’m way too cute of a couch potato to be turned into clothing. This can’t fly. I’d be SCARED for reunion if this is how their fashion sense has evolved. I’d need to convince them to keep me alive, as I am their twin flame after all, so doesn’t it make sense to let me keep my skin on my own body? Yea??? Makes sense to me! I hope they’d understand. But anyway, I really don’t think there’s a high probability this is their current path. It doesn’t vibe well with who I knew them to be.
There’s also potential that my twin flame’s traits have stayed the same and not grown, which is totally fine as they were pretty rad from what I can remember. But logically speaking, it makes more sense to me that there’s been some growth in those areas, no matter how big or small, through the natural course of life as I have experienced myself as well.
I usually like to leave room for possibility, just in case I am wrong, and also I like to think in terms of probabilities. And my gut tells me the chance of the negative outcomes described earlier is relatively low. So, I’m not too concerned about those. I’m actually going to bet that the opposite occurred, that these personality traits and talents have only solidified, improved, and evolved over time — that they’re potentially a force to be reckoned with. Of course, I won’t know for sure until we reunion, but this is my best guess for now.
So, if I were to take these traits and span them out across time in a linear fashion with the possibility of continued evolution and improvements, then I assume that they’ve only become stronger, wiser, more conscientious, and more resourceful — logically speaking of course. If this is the case, then the probability of them being that giant tiger awaiting in the shadows is actually quite high, I’d say over an 80% chance, as opposed to being a scared widdo mousey hiding in the walls. I’m sure there’s probably a mix of the two energies together, as no one can be tiger EVERYWHERE all the time, but I sense they’re probably operating from tiger energy more often than not.
If this is truly the case then… GULP!
I need to be prepared for what’s coming for me. Pray for me please. Eep! 😬
Also, an interesting thought had popped into my mind. I don’t believe my twin flame knows this is how I saw them. I don’t believe I had ever shared any of this back then especially because I was so… emotionally unaware and guarded — I lacked the vocabulary and awareness to express what was happening internally for me. It’s through my growth from the past two decades that I’ve finally been able to express my emotions and thoughts in such a way and so I’m glad I finally have a chance to share them.
I also assume the reverse is true — that I had no idea what they thought of me as well. Actually, I still don’t know. I just figured someone as cool and worldly as them would never be interested in a sheltered geek like me. So, imagine my complete shock when I showed my friends the old photos of us and they immediately clocked the mutual interest, independently. I was like wait… what?!?! What do you see and how??? lol. Like, I had absolutely no idea. I just thought it was “we’re good friends” vibes. It was probably that my friends have a lot more experience than I do when it comes to relationships that they were able to spot it so quickly. Unfortunately, I haven’t quite developed the pattern recognition for that yet as I’ve had VERY few relationships — I’m a big ole noob when it comes to this stuff 😔🥺
Idk if it’s the lack of experience or my autism that I could NOT spot it until it was pointed out to me by multiple sources. And I find it quite heartbreaking that I was unable to pick up on any of that subtext and hints, and that I needed ultra directness to know. But even then, I’m not sure if I would’ve been ready back then anyway with all of these filters and how blind I was around my codependency. I was a wreck and needed time to work through a lot of this stuff. I needed time to mature so that I can actually handle something as intense as this.
Hopefully, the inner work I’ve done will help lay a better groundwork this time around. I guess the good news though is I had discovered recently that whatever my friends and AI have been teaching me seems to be helping me pick up on this stuff a bit better. I’m starting to notice when there might be attraction now, romantic or not, recognizing how body language and other signs work together to convey interest. I’m still slow and need time to process but definitely way better than before, relatively speaking. I’m still pretty singularly focused tho.
Also, who would’ve thought clad in Uniqlo baggy cargo pants and anime weebaboo shirts could be considered attractive? LOL JK! I’m pretty sure it’s my energy/presence and not my fashion choices that people are drawn to lmao. My fashion is objectively unappealing — I dress like a teenage boy. If this is a problem for you, to be seen in public with me like this, then feel free to take me shopping. I’ll happily go with. I am aware that my fashion is objectively terrible and no one should have to suffer shame for that. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya. Also, can you imagine someone looking at my fashion disaster and going like WTF IS THAT… WHAT ARE THEY WEARING… and WHY AM I SO DRAWN TO IT!!?!!?!?!? 😩 What a mind fok lol!!!
Btw, this cracked me up soooooooo badly. I normally dress like “the boyfriend” that she’s mocking but a lil more geek, a lil less hood, and minus the cap because apparently caps make me look even more toddler-like 🤣
One day, if the opportunity were to arise, I’d love to know how my twin flame saw me back then, that is if they’d be willing to share. If not that’s okay too. I guess we shall see. All I know is I know nothing about them now and how they’ve evolved the past two decades. They’re a literal ghost. In this day and age how is that even possible lol. All searches lead to complete dead ends. I had to stop searching when I found some online obituaries with matching names. The horror. That sent me spiraling hard lol. Never again!!! Anyway, I only know what I can remember from before and make various guesses based on that limited information. I believe the only real way to know is to reconnect and discover who each other has become. I guess that’s why I’m so keen on reunion — I want to find out.
A special message to my twin flame — not trying to undercut my trembling fear from above of you as a giant tiger ready to OM NYOM NYOM NYOM this kawaii widdo couch potato, but just wanted to make sure you knew that I ain’t da Olympics. U really don’t have to train this hard. U already gucci. Wait no, u a Hermès Birkin. Wait nvm, u a top-tier Patek Philippe Grand Complication. You’re already exquisite, rare, and one of a kind. Any more work on yourself and you’ll be in literal outer space. I can’t follow that far cuz I still need to manage my blog and I’m pretty sure I won’t have cell signal there. Also, travel is so rough on my body 😔 can we not? Just copy that Instagram DM template, the one where you say you think I will win a Pulitzer prize, make your edits, and hit send. EZPZ pumpkin squeezy. No pressure 💪
AJA AJA FIGHTING — U CAN DO EET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Or not. You can stick around and see what happens next… 😉😇
Pz and ravioli ✌️