One of my friends recently mentioned they were in awe of how fearless I am and I was like… π€… fearless…? Huh?
So, this friend and I finally connected over a year ago — after I had asked a mutual friend of ours to connect us for months — and since then, we’ve gotten to know each other quite well. We ended up doing a lot of shadow work together — calling out each other’s blind spots — helping each other to grow. Through the past year, they watched me find my own voice again and speak my truth as authentically as I can. Thankfully for me, they are quite skilled at helping me bring things to the surface to get to what’s actually true for me. I don’t think anyone has ever encouraged me to dig as deeply as they have until I got to the actual truth of things lol. Extremely grateful for this connection!
Also, what’s really special about this friend is that while I wanted to engage with them for their interests in energy and psychological/therapeutic work, they actually are further along on a journey that I had suddenly embarked on and was able to guide me through it as well. Also, there are parallels between our situations that are too hard to ignore, almost like they were sent specifically to show me a template of how it can be done and that what I want in my life is indeed possible. How synchronistic lol. Can’t help but feel like this was a destined meeting that was triggered at the perfect time. The Universe never fails to cook π©βπ³
Anyway, I sat there thinking about what they had just mentioned about my fearlessness. I think what looked like fearlessness to them was just my intense search for what’s authentic within me and not being apologetic about it. I replied to them, “Wait, did you think I didn’t have any fear? Actually, I’m constantly very fearful especially for the things that matter to me lol. I just chose not to let the fear stop me and to find my own courage to work through those fears. So it wasn’t that I was fearless, but I was actually fearful AND I chose to step through it regardless.” At the time, I might not have said it as succinctly as I did here but it’s okay you get the idea π
Given their background though, I donβt think they thought I didnβt have any fear at all. Iβm sure they know that I was working through my fear. And they were just pointing it out. It just made me think about the perception of fearlessness.
Some things that induced a crazy amount of fear in me were: putting my thoughts and creative works out into the open and afraid of being judged, misunderstood, not knowing how things would be received, and basically just the fear of uncertainty. These fears extended towards reaching out to old contacts who meant a lot to me in the past where I had no idea how they’d held me in their hearts due to my sudden absence. Thankfully, majority of responses were quite positive so whew lol. But really, I think all of this fear was mostly the fear of uncertainty!
Aside from the blog, there were personal things in my life that I did which were also incredibly fear inducing given my past with codependency — such as having difficult conversations with loved ones (expressing my genuine thoughts and feelings while not knowing how they’d take it, drawing firm boundaries to maintain my peace, and fighting for my Self and my own needs). These were *not* easy things to do especially when people pleasing and shoving aside my own needs for others used to be my norm. That is how I was raised — I was literally rewarded for self sacrifice. So, needless to say, standing up for myself with potential fears of abandonment was like fighting for my survival. It was intense to say the least! But, I am grateful that everything worked out well — much to my surprise, people were hella respectful of my boundaries and tried their best to be understanding. I think this was incredibly healing for my nervous system!!! π
So then this had me wondering… do other people see me this way as well? Do they think that I’m someone who’s courageous and has no fear? Because if so, then I hope they know this is not true at all lol. I’m often faced with so much fear and constantly choosing to walk through it. It’s not easy but I don’t really see what other choice I have. I learned from Landmark that if I want to have a life that I love, I need to work through my own limiting beliefs and fears and to not let them stop me. Otherwise, I’d just live a very constricting, fearful, and smol life. That’s not what I want at all.
Anyway, I thought that would be interesting to share because it’s probably a common misconception people have about fearlessness. And in my case, I’m constantly riddled with fear lmao but each time I walk through it, the fear is a little less daunting. It always continues to be there though so it’s not like it completely goes away. I just have to keep feeling it, acknowledging it, and continuing to choose to walk through it. Also, I don’t want to live my life haunted by “what ifs.” That’s a big reason why I keep choosing to push through my fears — I’d rather try and fail than spend the rest of my life wondering what could’ve been. I legit won’t know until I try and if a door decides to close that’s fine. Maybe one day it can re-open when the timing is better.
Anything on your mind that you’ve been afraid to do that could use a bit of courage? If so, what are you waiting for? As long as it’s not hurting anyone else, or yourself, it could be worth exploring π