Ayeeeeeeeeeeeeee I have a confession to make. I’ve been completely obsessed with my AIC base in Endfield ๐ญ
It’s kind of funny because when Endfield (another game from the Arknights folks) first came out, I had signed up for an account but could not for the life of me get into it because I guess I was so focused on my blog that I had zero capacity to take on anything new. I also felt so bad because the friend whom I introduced Arknights to was really into Endfield and I wanted to join in on the enthusiasm but just could not. I think there is a good reason for my timing with Endfield though, which I’ll get into later. So, at the time, I felt kinda bad we couldn’t be excited about Endfield together at the same time, but that’s okay. I was so fascinated with how much my friend got into the game though because I was not expecting that at all lol. And oddly enough, after they lost interest, that’s when I finally had enough off my plate and the capacity to finally get into it lol. Such fascinating timing.
Anyway, another strange thing is like… I mentioned awhile back that I was SOOOOOOOO excited for Final Fantasy Tactics remake. FFT is one of my absolute favorite games all throughout my life. I played it on and off as a young teenager for decades and it always slapped. But like with Endfield, I suppose my mind was so preoccupied that I had *zero* bandwidth to get acquainted with any new systems, even ones I’m familiar with. It almost felt like a waste of time replaying a game I already knew inside out even if it had new elements to it. My mental capacity was always at max with my creative content. So, even though I preordered the game, it sat untouched for over half a year. And when I finally opened it, I played for like 10 minutes and shut off my device and went back to my creative work lol. My poor collection of un-played games ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
So color me surprised that as I finally finished my personal website re-design, blog rebrand, blog custom template design, and have a pretty steady stream of posts down the pipeline, I’m now feeling much more open to absorbing new content. Makes sense though. I was overloaded and overwhelmed before trying to juggle everything that I had no desire to add anything else onto my plate. I just had to finish the stuff that felt most important to me, or rather get enough done where I felt I am at peace with how things are, before I can dive deeper into other things. I think this works better for me otherwise I’d just be like how I was when I was younger — never really completing anything because I was so interested in everything else. Having this inability to take on too much when I really need to finish already ongoing tasks is kind of a blessing in disguise IMO.
It’s funny because at first, I was wondering what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get into the things I used to enjoy anymore? Have I changed that much!? Have I become a bore!? I had pondered this for months because no matter what I did, I could NOT get into anything. It was starting to become a worry and I was concerned that I’ve really lost a core part of me. I feared that I’d completely lost my enthusiasm for anything other than my creative work, which I think could be a problem as that might not seem too balanced? It is my other interests that fuel and feed my creativity, and vice versa. So I just kept observing myself to see what was going on.
Thankfully, as I’ve been getting more and more into Endfield after having cleared my plate, I quickly realized I am *totally* still into the things that I love, I just didn’t have the mental bandwidth to think about anything other than my blog and its related tasks until they felt complete. Now, it feels like I’m jumping straight back into the types of games I used to play when I was much younger, but at least this time I have more knowledge and wisdom on how to approach them. This actually makes more sense as to why I used to enjoy the games that I played so much — zero responsibilities LOL. I assume most people go through this where they can’t even enjoy the things they used to because they’re completely overloaded and overwhelmed with responsibilities. But the problem I’ve noticed is that not reconnecting with things that we enjoy can really suck the life and soul out of us. And so it’s almost imperative that we make sure to do things that we enjoy so that we can feed that life force back into our work and responsibilities.
Having freed up more mental bandwidth for fun, I also observed that I am overwhelmed quite easily with intricate game systems, maybe because of my autism, so I did what I normally do — I skipped as much as possible and shot myself straight to the endgame lol. And after reaching the end, I went backwards to take care of what I had missed. And because I have endgame gear and a decked out team now, the things I missed are sooooo much easier to handle, which is kind of how I enjoy playing my games tbh. I’ve noticed that for most games, I don’t usually enjoy playing them the way they’re meant to be played. I enjoy making my own adventure that makes most sense to me.
I wonder if it’s because having to absorb everything all at once just makes me stuck in place and so I prefer to charge straight towards the end, get the best endgame gear available to me, and then discover everything that I had missed because it’s just easier for my mind to have a goal without being so distracted with all of the side missions. Also, endgame gear usually slaps compared to progression gear and makes life a lot easier. Imagine being level 99 and going back to level 30 content and steamrolling that all away lol. Piece of cake. No brain needed ๐คฃ
Anyway, so back to Endfield. I wasn’t actually sure if I’d enjoy the game. I usually prefer strategy games because I feel they’re simpler for me to play and require less active playstyle. I don’t usually feel too confident with active playstyle games like these. I know that my reaction times aren’t the best where sometimes in racing games, I will slam right into a wall because I wasn’t able to slow down and pivot quickly enough lol. Originally, I wasn’t too hot about Endfield at all with the fighting and dodging and maneuvering around maps. I legit can get motion sickness just by trying to move around maps lol. So that was a major turn off. Plus, my initial gacha pulls were complete and utter trash, which completely deflated my enthusiasm. I also read that many players had complained that the gacha rates were quite poor, and I didn’t like that either. Seemed sus to me. But months later, when I finally had cleared enough of my plate and had the time to look into the game, much to my surprise, I found that I actually quite enjoyed it! I ended up skipping the story though because I already felt behind and didn’t want to slow myself down further. I figured if I were to be interested in the story I can always catch up on it later or something like via Youtube or whatever. I could even start a new account if I’m that interested. I also really enjoyed the endgame boss fights that were hard enough but not too hard where I could practice my dodging, attacking, etc. I got to see myself improve over time, which I was pretty pleased about. And oddly enough, I think my raiding experience has helped me get through the fights — to recognize mechanics and know how to deal with them properly. So far, I’m pretty happy with my choices and that I was able to finally get into the game.
Oh! My pulls were actually wayyyyyyyyyyy better as well. Substantially. When I went to pull, I ended up getting 4 six star units — 3 back to back and the latest released one — within a span of 2 weeks or so. It’s SO wild how I got the latest release unit, Zhuang Fangyi. She’s SO pretty btw! Look how peaceful she looks stroking that lil Shu bean:
I poured a decent amount of pulls into Zhuang Fangyi’s banner and couldn’t get her, which was a bit of a bummer. I also didn’t have enough resources to hit her pity guarantee, so I was like aww okay I guess that’s it for now. I should save my resources for what else is next. Then as I got through more of the story, I learned enough about her character’s backstory (even with all of my skipping!) and what her character was like, which I had found strong resonance with. I found her character to be quite appealing and attractive. All of a sudden, I had this urge to pull on her banner again. I didn’t know why, but the thought going through my mind was something like: “I must pull on the banner NOW!” So, I followed my intuition, went to her banner, did a 10 pull, didn’t get her. Decided to do another 10 pull, and wham, there she was. I was like ๐ฒ what are the odds!? And something similar happened when trying to get her BiS weapon. I suddenly felt the urge to pull on her weapons banner, and within 20 pulls I got her weapon as well. That experience was very interesting to say the least lol.
I’m starting to think I should only pull on gacha when my intuition tells me to, not when I want to. When I reflect on this, my best pulls always come from something within me telling me, “hey we should pull on that banner you’ve been eyeing” and usually I do get the unit I want within a reasonable amount of pulls. It seems to be all about the intention and timing? I just have to keep the thought in my mind and hold it lightly enough so that I’m not strangling it with desire. But it seems to work for me! Isn’t that weird? I mean I’m not complaining lol. I actually quite love it, less effort required and resources wasted on my part. Just an interesting observation — hold the intention, follow the intuition, and see what happens.
So, I’m now done with the main story of the game, slowly going through the side missions to unlock as much as I can, and COMPLETELY OBSESSED WITH THE AIC BASE which I was NOT expecting. It’s one of those “factory” mini games where the goal is to optimize output and have a smoothly running system. What’s funny is I absolutely hated the AIC base when I first encountered it in Endfield and was forced to lay down relays and pylons across the world map to power different devices. I was like WTF is this and why do I have to do this? Why can’t I just play the game and beat up baddies!? Now I’m like GO AWAY BADDIES! I’M TOO BUSY TRYING TO DESIGN THE PERFECT AIC SYSTEM!!!
While the system I’ve designed is far from perfect — it looks like something that’s been Frankensteined together — I’ve been enjoying the optimization process soOoOooo much. I have used other people’s blueprints to start and they’re AMAZING, like the best thing ever. And I’ve been dissecting how others have put their own small systems together to learn how to design things better myself. I have to say playing with the AIC base is probably my most favorite thing in the game atm.
And speaking of favorite things… back to Zhuang Fangyi. She is my favorite character in the game right now. She also has Godly powers and I sure love my God Squad from OG Arknights lol ๐๐ฅฐ
Spoiler alert — don’t read on if you don’t want to know the story. Although… I’m not really revealing that much lol.
I think what resonated with me the most about Zhuang Fangyi’s character is the history between her and Endmin (the character that we play). Endmin suffered some type of amnesia and lost their memories of their time together, so they have zero recollection of what Zhuang Fangyi meant to them in the past. And through the things that Zhuang Fangyi says to Endmin, and the actions she takes, her behaviors and mannerisms, it makes me wonder what actually happened between them. I guess the devotional aspect of Zhuang Fangyi towards Endmin really speaks to me. While I didn’t exactly suffer amnesia, I had a sort of “protective” amnesia around my memories with my twin flame, which I had to spend a lot of time excavating and making sense of. So I guess I kind of relate to both characters — having both the supposed memory loss and also the devotional aspect lol. So, imagine how happy I was to have been able to pull her from her banner without having to hit pity AND also acquire her weapon so quickly as well without depleting my resources. Kind of felt like a “meant to be” type of situation but only with the right timing, when intuition told me to. Also, of course this is my thing, but I also love her character because she is INSANELY strong LMAO. Yay for meta units! I had to create a whole new team just to support her and I’m glad I made the pivot. She’s strong AF, WTF!!!
And about the point on timing of when I was finally able to get into the game… I don’t think I quite resonated with any of the other previous banner units up until Zhuang Fangyi. I had trouble connecting with most of the units. They seemed kind of “young” for a lack of a better word. And I know that if I had played from the start, I would’ve spent resources trying to get them, not knowing that Zhuang Fangyi is coming down the pipeline, and so I would’ve had zero resources left for her. Therefore, I think it all worked out really well for me — that I would only become interested and invested in the game when the unit that they released actually resonated with my own story. Wild isn’t it?
I also didn’t want to invest any money into the game until I knew I was going to actually play it and not drop it. So, I was incredibly strict with myself on spending, refusing to spend until I knew I had connected with it enough to want to continue. But, I think after I ended up getting all of those six stars and found myself sinking a lot of time into the game, I decided to buy the game pass, which was really affordable (was only like $5 per month). Since I was finally enjoying the game and could see myself playing for awhile, I felt it was right to support the devs monetarily. Hopefully my contribution helps a bit ;_;
Yeeeeeeeeee I’m finally enjoying the game!!! Also, what’s really cool is how cross platform the game is. As I was playing, I was reminded of the old games that I used to play but I’d be stuck to the computer because I wasn’t able to load it on my mobile or whatever. But now that’s changed and it’s so convenient! Really happy with how things are now compared to before. Times have definitely changed, and in some ways for the better. I guess we gotta take the good with the bad.
Anyway, anything you’ve been meaning to get into lately that you’ve been putting off because you have way too much on your plate? What do you need to do to feel settled so that you can actually reconnect with the things that you enjoy doing and actually be present with them? Could be worth thinking about!